I'll Be Seeing You

I am going to take a sabbatical from the blogging sphere.
There it is, in print. Official as it gets. And instead of beating around the bush - one of the many flaws I personally dislike about the voice I have developed here online - I am going to get straight to the point. 
I love blogging. That is why I have to take this step. Each and every day I look forward to sharing our going-ons with you. Everything and anything: from our successes and failures in the never ending project endeavours to the details that make out little family tick, and everything in between. Our world online here has been a wonderful form of communication between Robert and I in his absence; let's just say, phone chats are not my forte. It has held me accountable to write down Finley's growth and progress over the months; something I would never have done otherwise, those memories forever lost. And more than that, this ongoing conversation rescued me; it plucked me from the water when I couldn't find a breath.
Those are all, above and beyond, wonderful things. I am aware. Which is why they should be reassurance for those of you who also enjoy this little online escape as I do. I most certainly will be back. When? I can't say for sure, but I can guarantee I will feel better about myself which will in turn make for better reading. That is a promise.
You may be wondering what brought this on because I have never mentioned or alluded to it before. It is sudden and not all at the same time, if that makes any sense. For sometime things have not felt just right. I couldn't put my finger on it, but when I sat down in front of my computer all the thoughts and script that had been endlessly running through my head all day to share with you was suddenly gone. A writers block of sorts, I guess, but it felt like more. And this weekend, at Blog Podium, the answer came to me; it hit me like a rolling train.
I absolutely, one-hundred percent undoubtedly, enjoyed my time at Blog Podium. The event itself was planned down to the simplest of details {and you know details get me where it counts}, the seminars were jam-packed with relevant information, and the ladies that I met in attendance were the most sincere I have quite honestly ever encountered. It was a breath of fresh air. That is when this all fell into place. Between that {being the fresh air}, a seamless speech by Sarah Richardson, and an upfront seminar with Stephanie Sterjovki, I realized the 'something' that didn't feel just right was me all along. 
Words have an unfathomable impact in this world. Can we all agree on that? Wether it be a catchy song, a clever saying, a loving compliment, a scientific fact, or a hurtful lash-out. Words take only a moment to speak but their effects can last a lifetime. I have found the same to be true with writing; even something as 'insignificant' as a little blog. Attaching my name to these off hand writings that were thrown together last minute because, what? The project took longer than I had anticipated. Robert wanted to go visiting. Finn was sick or cranky. I got distracted weeding the garden - again. Or I fell asleep. The list is endless. But the written word deserves better. Truthfully, you deserve better and so do I. 
This blog was intended to be a creative outlet for me to share my love for writing, organization, style, and decor interlaced with what it means to be a young mom who hasn't lost her sense of self along the way. I am a strong woman with opinions and beliefs formed over years of active living. Though my cover may not scream suspense or adventure, my story is well worth attention. All of this was somehow lost along the way. Perhaps as a result of my own insecurity and insistence on comparing myself to those around me. Sadly, I put myself in a cookie-cutter box and limited my own creativity. I hushed my own voice.
Not being true to myself is the single thing, at this point in my journey, worse than not writing this blog. Please understand, forgive, and check back every now and then for my return. ________________________________
I'll leave you with a note. {One which is actually directly written as a reminder to myself of truths I have come to know but sometimes forget.}
'Meaning is created, not found.' I have found these words to ring true in literature as well as in life. 
If read at two separate points in time - short or long span - a novel or writing of any kind will read differently depending on your personal journey, experiences, perspective, and state of mind. Give it a try. Skim last months Better Homes and Garden and you'll likely be drawn to a few pages that are missing dog ears because you are on the hunt for something new. Reread The Shack, Wuthering Heights, Confessions of a Shopaholic, or anything that strikes your fancy, and you'll discover something new and refreshing. A message that wasn't available to you before reading it with all the knowledge and experience you have since gained.
Do the same in life. I imagine few walked away from Blog Podium with the same message as I did. Many will have gone home and made their blogs better yes, just as I intend to do, but the approaches will range in approach. I will start by revisiting and rewriting my thoughts. Mould myself into the person I wish to be by processing circumstance under a positive light. By being intentional about each moment, each venture, each adventure - I'll be as bold to say, 'as if it were the last.' I encourage you to do the same in your walk. Go ahead and invest in yourself and those you love, those who have helped shape you into a better you. Take pride in your attempts as well as your failures. And most importantly - at least in this moment - don't ever second guess yourself. You are you. Like yourself just the way you are. Look back only to see how far you have come.
I am positive, one day years from now, Finley will thank me for being the best Mom he could have ever asked for. I will be able to look back to this very moment. Better yet, the moment I select 'Publish' on my next post.
Until then my dearest of friends. Do take care. And be kind to others as well as yourselves.